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i find it odd how the place i always arrive at in my DREAM is the CHAPEL. the last time i was truly in one, by that i mean not in the capacity of a tourist, was during my early childhood, certainly before the age of 8. my family had rotated each year between a lutheran and a catholic church for christmas services, caused by my parents' different denominations which only ever manifested at this time of year. i found both locations to be rather boring, more interested in the coloring pages one of the churches had than the actual service or decor of the church. i had very little opinions on churches as a result. tangentially, my parents' lack of daily practice meant that my knowledge of christianity was tied purely to what very young me could understand of the sermon, which was primarily that:

1. jesus was born and he died physically every single year. didn't understand how he could be baby at one point and adult soon after, which i rationalized as baby jesus being a separate figure due to the amount of times people specifically said "baby jesus"
2. that the virgin mary and baby jesus were actually a stone statue outside of the church. like that was them in the flesh... or in the stone, i guess.

as for many queer people, however, religion started playing a heavy role in my life once i came out. i was bullied pretty extensively for around two years of my life that i was going to hell for being gay. i ended up learning quite a bit about christianity just to refute their points, but unfortunately what they needed was time to get out of those hateful ideologies and not logic (but maybe i helped with showing the cognitive dissonance, idk). this gave me a negative view of christianity for quite a long time, and i honestly still feel uncomfortable around christians in general. i was still a rather spiritual person, however, which made me go on my own spiritual journey. i was wiccan then hellenic polytheist for quite a while, before becoming buddhist, which i still (kind of) am. i always found the importance of religion to be more in the ritual of it all, connecting you to the community or with the passage of time. my family never celebrated holidays outside of christmas and thanksgiving, so lacking any special days made the year feel like a drag. putting emphasis on holy days, however, allowed me to get more excited as the year progressed.

but anyways, i'm not sure why the CHAPEL was where my dreams start me off at. it appears to be rather old, but i can't find any inscription anywhere that places it within any tradition or year. i feel comforted here, though, like a kind of save point. the world outside of this appears to go on forever and i've barely explored any of it. i'm using the COMPUTER to put my mark on this realm in case others stumble their way here. i doubt it, but that does raise some interesting implications if others are having the same dreams that are being impacted by others. i'll need to look into it further.

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i try to organize my notes in one of two ways: first, by what class it is for, and second (if not for a class), by what question it answers.